Can Purell be used as lube?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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