New low: just hacked my moms facebook
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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