My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
