if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
