He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
