Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My first STD was from a foam party
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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