so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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