i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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