i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
