why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need a burrito and a hug.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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