Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
