This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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