Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
