im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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