he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
