there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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