you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
