grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
