Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
