He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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