Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ttyl tear gas
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
