Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
