I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
