talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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