i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
