NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
