My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
