i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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