How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
