My liver just broke up with me...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
