My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
