you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
