I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
