is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
