Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
