Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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