What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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