So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
