I puked a lego.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
