Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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