just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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