$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
