a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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