Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
