I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
