For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am midnight drunk by noon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
