I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
