He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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