i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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