But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
