Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
