just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
