hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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