At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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