There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
