o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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